Holy shit, it’s been a loooonnnng time since I’ve posted on this blog. Part of the reason is because I’ve been really busy with school and life things. I have been published in a local review, so I feel very proud of that. I just haven’t had the time nor ideas to post. But! I do now. So here we go again.
My faith has always been weak. I never got the message from God that I believed everyone has gotten. There was not awakening of my spiritual self though church or other “holy” activities. For a long while I was part of my local church in going through the sacraments and whatnot. Never was I fully committed to my church.
I think this was in part of how much I was learning at the time. I really got into science videos on YouTube and would spend literal hours watching them explain how the world works around me. Literally everything had an explanation! On the other hand, religion gave me nothing but “Because God made it so” as an answer to questions that I was so curious about.
I think I can point out the exact moment when I started to realize that I did not believe in God. I remember several years ago, I was watching my science YouTube videos and I told my mother about what color mirrors are. They are green. I was in awe about how a mirrors were actually green the whole damn time! I had been brushing my teeth in front of mirrors for years and never once have I thought about the color of it, let alone about it being green. Anyways, I told my mom with all the enthusiasm in the world about mirrors being green the whole time. She told me that she was glad that I was learning so much, but I should be learning about the things that pertain to God. I think the moment she finished that sentence, I started to question my faith.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my mom. She is the greatest person in my life. She has influenced me in so many ways that have molded me into the man that I am today. I can never thank her enough for how good of a mother she was. However, this exchange was probably the first time I have disagreed with her in existential matters.
Also, before I proceed, I am not saying that you can’t believe in God while also loving science and other things of that nature. This is all a personal story.
After this talk with my mom, I really wrestled with the idea of God not being real. Everything up to that point had told me that God was real, but never could I find proof. Now, I know I have to have faith, but damn it I tried. I tried really hard to believe that God was real, but alas I could not come up with such conclusions. After all the internal debate, I decided that God is not real. All the evidence pointed to there not being a divine being above.
Fantastic! There is no God!
Well, I decided that I was going to be the best person that I could possibly be while I am alive. Then I heard about Pascal’s Wager.
This is the wager. I basically says that it is better to just believe in God because the worst thing that could happen is that nothing happens. Whereas if you don’t believe in God the best thing that could happen is nothing, and the worst thing would be eternal damnation.
I find this concept really interesting. It would be best to just believe in God, no? However, it might be my stubbornness that keeps me from doing so. Say I am wrong about the existence of God. I would be classified as a non-believer, therefore I could not enter heaven and be sent to hell. But what if I was a really good person. What if I made it so God would have to let me in? I am devoting my life to being, at the very least, a good person. Would I be let in if I generally was a good person worthy of heaven even though I was a non-believer. Now, I guess you’re answer to me is no. However, your answer is not the one I’m seeking. I am seeking the answer of God. If I’m right, then nothing will happen when I die. I will never know the answer if I’m right because that means that there is no afterlife. My chances here are slim, but I like a good bet. I like being the exception to rules. It makes a person more special.
But what happens if I’m wrong about God and he won’t let me into heaven and sends me to hell?
Well, I better not be wrong.
H. G. Salas
If you have any questions or commentary on religion and spirituality please shoot me an email! I am always wiling to have a meaningful conversation about this subject with people. I find it awesome! Most likely I’ll respond to them on the blog if you’d let me!